... / 2023/ february_total entries: 02

entry #004: losing these fucking marbles


Let me set the scene. Eight o'clock at night. Two champagne glasses in, on an empty stomach. I'm a light weight, I can admit to that. Guests, ranging from the boomers to the late Gen X. Time to start a political argument and I'm not even gonna rally for the gays this time. Instead, let me ask, whats wrong with a little progressive tax as a counterargument to the recent raising of the pension age in these here parts?

Mistake. I now realize that I am still often among the upper echelons, by accident. The business owners. The big firms. Its no Amazon but its not grandma's second hand wares on e-retail either. I'm making the point that the uber-wealthy are not paying the necessary tax. The individual, who is growing hostile, argues that the tax is high, the employment tax per employee is high. Chains aren't closing locations because they do not hit profit margins, but because they simply cant afford to stay open. Real income is obscured because the rich dont want to pay the tax they would have to if they declared their income honestly. They say it like its justified, like if these rich guys had to pay just a little more they would become poor and starve to death. What happened, man?

Honestly, it gives me a big head. Because it makes me feel like I'm the only empathetic fucker left. Not in a meaningful way of course, I dont actually help anyone, like the loser I am. But still. Is it that hard to take the blindfold off? Why are we abiding the norms set by the few? What if all these fucks did pay what was due? Would they die? Would they lose something they deserved? Would they go from filthy, ridiculous rich to fragmentally less so? What happened to giving a shit about the guy at the way down low? 

Anyway, I'm not super confrontational but I'm being talked down to. I think I dont deserve it, I think Ive actually been doing the rational thing and looking this up. I'm not saying much anyway, whos listening at this party? I wonder if you can teach people basic empathy. Not even the sentimental kind, full of tears and hurt on someone's else behalf. No, I mean the kind where you look at the reality of the situation. Some ones getting screwed and someone else is doing the screwing.

Ive got to stop watching so much fucking Hasanabi, man.

entry #005: after this scheduled break


Hey, I think I'm gonna be need a break. Look, its not you, really, I dont even know you. Its me. Things have been really getting out of hand, I dont know if it me playing mind games on myself but every little thing in my head feels like a bunch or rabid sheep escaping and frolicking around while I try to contain them. Somethings overshadowing me, most heinously, dude. Sorry, thats so cringe, we just watched the first two Bill and Ted movies with my brother and I cant stop saying stupid sit from the movie. You should have seen me after Fargo, man, that was a disaster and everyone hated talking to me.

Anyway, I feel wiped out even though I haven't been doing anything. I got to get this random thing done, but I'm drawn to this other thing and now Ive also got mounting responsibilities to other people. I mean, they've always been there but its becoming less and less manageable. I dont know why, this should be simple stuff. I cant be my own man. I cant hustle. I'm just an amoeba.

I'm trying to dull things down, so sadly, I think I'm gonna take a break from working on this site for a while. I might write this blog but I dont know if Ill actually post anything. I cant start learning JavaScript because I'm constantly thinking about applying it to my site. And I always wanna redesign stuff. So, I'm gonna pause everything. Focus on my stupid comic. Focus on projects my friends need help with. Yeah some dude wants me to draw a map for a paintball place hes gonna open. Sick!

I'm also repeatedly dissappointed by my art skills. Going back and forth with whether I'm improving or not. Tiring, but its time to hit the books and hit 'em hard. Why the fuck do I type like that, its actually unbearable but were gonna stay close to the truth here. Last time I said Id be on hiatus was so unserious, it literally lasted a week. I think I'm gonna have to delegate more time this go around. I should make a comeback around May I hope. That should be enough time. Ok, that's that. Stream of consciousness, over.